The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize