wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
