my vag is so smooth its legendary
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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