For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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