STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize