Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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