Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
