I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
