??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
