did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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