i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
