O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
