Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
