i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
