I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
