you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
