I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
