I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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