Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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