We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
