You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need to calm my uterus...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
