AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
