halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
