69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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