i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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