This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
