for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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