i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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