Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
