marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
