Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
