I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize