Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
