you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
