dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
