my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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