now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize