woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Im part way to drunk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
