He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
