If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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