So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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