If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
