Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
