I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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