I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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