i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
