Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
