well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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