i may or may not be watching the land before time
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize