bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize