when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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