I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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