I think I am morally bankrupt
My balls are so social today.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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