You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
