They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
