I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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