Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
