woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
