You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
