I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize