epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
