didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
