Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i think my tv is drunk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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