Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
