Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
