We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize