an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
