Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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