Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
