happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
