so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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