I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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