Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I want a musical about memes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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