I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
