haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize