Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
