he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
