kristin has been a bad kristin
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
