I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
