he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
