Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
