she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
